Mairead's Musings

When Good Crafts Go Bad - the Holiday Blog

2009-12-20T18:16:00.000-08:00

Note: I wrote this piece last year for the Second Wind Publishing blog on Wordpress, but figured it was worth a re-print. Merry Christmas

My husband has jokingly commented on several occasions that I have been channeling my “inner Martha” ever since I was displaced from my job in September. (In between the activities of my job search I will admit that I have been involved in a number of home improvement/beautification projects, and yes, I will further own up to having experimented with ideas from various issues of Martha’s magazine with varying degrees of success.) All of his jokes evaporated last weekend when he came home from work to find me, both kids, the dining room as well as most of our house coated in a fine glaze of glitter glue.

“What the h--heck are you doing??” he asked as he surveyed the dining room table covered in an old (but clean) shower curtain, about 20 plastic cups sprouting balloons draped with glittering strands of yarn, and the trail of glitter footprints (child sizes 5 and 11) across the floor towards the rest of our house.

Our youngest piped up with, “makin’ ormanents” reaching for one to show his father and knocking a recently finished balloon out of its cup, spilling the still wet yarn coated in glitter glue onto the floor as the balloon bounced about leaving splotches of glitter glue in its wake.

Stunned, he stood there for a few moments until he was handed a handful of the glitter glue yarn. Handing it to me and shaking his head, he left the room muttering something about ordering pizza, then canceling my subscription to Martha Stewart Living, and calling in an exorcist.

If patience is a virtue, I am rarely a virtuous woman

2009-11-24T18:50:00.000-08:00

During a recent chat over lunch with my career coach, we got on the topic of what I am learning from my experience searching for my next position. Having a slightly sarcastic side to my personality, I had to exercise a great deal of restraint to keep my response appropriate to the context and company. Later that evening, having been unable to get the conversation out of my head, I realized that there are quite a few “take-aways” from this experience and not all of them negative. Perhaps the biggest for me is learning to have patience.

When it comes to me, personally, I have never been a particularly patient individual. I tend to expect a higher level of performance from myself than I would ever expect of anyone else. This characteristic once prompted a therapist to say to me, “Maggie, perfection is about heaven, and in case you haven’t noticed – you aren’t living there.”

Generally, I do tend to achieve whatever I set out to do. Unfortunately, what this means is that if for some reason my expectations are out of sync with reality, patience is in short supply. There tends to be a lot of introspective analysis of where I got off track and what it will take to refocus my efforts to reaching whatever end-state was so blasted important in the first place. Ironically, this rarely, if ever, spills over onto others and I am incredibly patient with children, even my own. Go figure.

This job quest is teaching me (the hard way) how to be patient with myself in general, but more specifically, when things are beyond my control. It has also taught me that there are a lot of things in this world that are beyond my control. A very sobering realization, I must admit. At the same time, I have discovered that one thing is universally in my control and that is how I respond to the situation.

This isn’t to say that I am serenely going about my day, calm and secure in a place of Zen. I’m not. Not even close. There are days that I am barely keeping it together and there are days that I can actually forget that my situation is so tenuous. And in between those two extremes are a lot more days where my expectations align with reality.

The importance of an open mind.

2009-11-15T09:09:00.000-08:00

I recall overhearing my older relatives once talking about how it was possible to be too open in one’s thinking. I think the exact words were something to the effect of not being so open-minded that your brains fall out. Being all of about 12 at the time, the conversation really didn’t make that much sense. Wasn’t being open to possibilities what life was all about?

As I’ve grown up a bit, I understand what my relatives were talking about, but I still have to disagree with them. Even at, er, let’s say…um, thirty-nine and holding, I am still very open to possibilities. This trait of mine is probably the number one reason why I did not sink into abject despair during my bout of unemployment. It may even be why I am not completely freaking out over worry that my contract for hire situation might not become a permanent gig.

Being open to possibilities gives you the freedom to exist in the “now” and perform something of a SWOT analysis on your life. For those without a business degree or familiarity with the jargon, the acronym stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. It is a process for evaluating what is going on from more than one perspective to arrive at a total snapshot of the situation.

I believe being open to possibilities also works in terms of the creative process.

I have really struggled with one of the stories I am working on because I had this great outline for how the book was going to play out. It was a fairly detailed outline of each chapter and, I thought, it was going to lead to a really good book. At some point during my writing, the main characters took off in a different direction from what I had envisioned. Stymied, I set the story down and focused on other projects. When my “muse” reappeared, I pulled the story out to work on it again and found my characters still uncooperative. This time, I am ignoring the outline I so carefully prepared and am just rolling with what comes out of my head. Reading back over the 150 pages I have written of this new path, I know I have some major editing ahead of me. Some of it is pretty rough and likely to be cut from the final manuscript. I also have some cross referencing to do against my first novel in this series to be sure I haven’t messed up the time-lines between the two books. But, some of what I have written is so much better than the original concept.

A lot of people mistake me for a pessimist because I am pretty quick with the sardonic wit or the sarcastic quip. The truth is, I honestly believe that things will work out the way they are supposed to – one just has to keep from taking a narrow perspective. The problem is that it rarely happens on my preferred time-table. So, be it a new contract position, being picked up as a permanent employee under the current contract, landing a permanent job with some other company, or finishing this book – I am open to the possibilities before me.

And now for some Halloween fun...

2009-10-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

My publisher is doing a "Trick or Treat" clue game in honor of Halloween. The clues will be embedded in excerpts from novels by Second Wind Publishing authors. So go to the Second Wind Publishing Blog (http://secondwindpub.wordpress.com)and join the fun on October 26th!

Excerpt from my novel, A Love Out of Time. (paranormal romance)

Taly was about to flash out to check on Jack when he felt himself start to dematerialize. This had not happened to him since sometime in the 11th century; the experience was one he had hoped never to undergo again. Flashing through time did not cause him any pain; it was no more of an effort to walk across the room. Being summoned, on the other hand, was like being sucked through a keyhole. He barely had time to grab his latte before he vanished.
He rematerialized with a roar of pain and in his natural form. Moira looked up from her position on the floor by the candles and brazier. Her mouth forming a silent O before delight crossed her face and she leapt up yelling for her brother. Karl came at a run, but stopped short by the sight of his sister leaping about like a child at Christmas in front of a seven-foot demon holding a grande cup of Starbucks.

Am I turning into a “Slacker Mom” or just overwhelmed and tired?

2009-10-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had such high expectations for how my husband and I would raise our little bundle of joy. That list of “when I’m a parent, I’ll never…” was rather long and fairly detailed. To my credit, my firstborn was actually around 2 before fast food passed his lips. I felt so guilty since he’d had a fairly organic diet up to that point, but I got over it. The second child was chomping on French fries and chicken nuggets as soon as he could chew them without choking.

It is sort of depressing to pull out that list now and see what is still on it. I’ve never really seen myself as someone who is “wishy-washy” in their beliefs. Most people who know me, even slightly, would say that I can be downright stubborn about the things I believe to be important. The fact that there are so many things that I’ve crossed off my list gives me some pause though, especially since it has to do with my children. It raises a fear that perhaps I have become a Slacker Mom, and that my kids will spend a portion of their adult life paying professionals to help them deal with the aftermath of my parenting skills, or lack thereof.

Or is it that I’ve realized that most of what was on my list was at best, silly, and at the worst, unrealistic? So it would stand to reason that the remaining items really are the important tenets of parenting, wouldn’t it?

In talking to other mothers, all of whom refused to be identified in this article, I know I am not alone in wondering. One friend, a busy executive and mother of two, summed it up like this, “we do our best parenting before we have the little monsters. It’s just a theoretical exercise at that point. Once they show up, theory flies out the window and it’s all about raw survival, keeping what’s left of your sanity, and minimizing the collateral damage to your kids.”

As I look at my kids, and our life, I have to admit that there is a lot of truth in that statement. On paper, before I had my kids, I thought I had all the answers. I thought I knew how I would handle things. I was going to do things the “right” way.

In reality, there are times when I honestly don’t know the answer, or how I’ll handle something until the moment is on me. At night, when I am meditating on the day that has passed, I know that I have not always done things the “right” way where my kids are concerned. I yelled rather than spoke. I reacted rather than accurately assessing the situation. I punished one for something the other started, because I didn’t see the first part of the scenario – just the part when one brother hauled off and decked the other one.

It all comes down to this, you do the best you can with the situation you find yourself in.

While I know that on the occasions when I am not home for dinner, my sons are more likely than not to be eating fast food in front of the television set, it is still different when they want me to endorse similar eating habits on the nights their father can’t be home for dinner. To me, an acceptable dinner for my kids has at least one vegetable, preferable a green one, a starch, a protein, and milk. While I was between jobs, it was easy to take this high road. Now that I am back in the work-force and my husband's transfer to a new position means he's usually working nights, it is a whole new scenario.

When I’ve had a rough day at work, sometimes I find myself justifying a pizza: tomato sauce – vegetable, sort of, check; green onions – green vegetable, check; mushrooms and black olives – veggies, sort of, check; cheese – protein, check. Top it off with a big glass of milk…yeah, it fits the parameters for an acceptable dinner, where the heck did I put the number for the pizza place?

The lure of the dark-side – anti-heroes and anti-heroines

2009-10-05T19:36:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I really enjoy a story with a well developed anti-hero. I’m not talking about the basically good guy who has had a string of bad luck or a tough life. I am talking about the true post-modernistic archetype: someone who can not easily be defined as a villain or hero. These are characters whose attraction hooks you and reels you in as strongly as they repulse you on some basic level. There is just something about these characters that fascinates me. Their complexity can lead a carefully crafted storyline down some totally unexpected twists and turns of the mind, but you have to admit – it can be an adventure. It is a character type that is well suited to both paranormal romance and stories dealing with espionage as well as sci-fi/fantasy literature: all genres that appeal to me as both a reader and a writer. In my own writing, I am finding myself including anti-heroes or rather heroines on a fairly regular basis, but something I discovered, which surprised me, was how difficult it is to create an anti-heroine.

These women characters exist. Consider Scarlett O’Hara, any number of roles that Angelina Jolie has played, and – my personal favorites – Nikita from the story La Femme Nikita and Murbella from Frank Herbert’s Dune series. The creation of an anti-heroine seems fraught with many of the same issues that confront women in real life, from business to social settings. A delicate balance must be struck between the characters “good” qualities and those that are less appealing.

So, how does one craft such a creature?

From my research into the female anti-hero, it appears that beauty or physical attractiveness alone is not enough to off-set the brutality, amoral behavior, or ruthlessness needed for a true anti-hero. It seems to take a combination of physical beauty, innate intelligence, and some sort of triggering event – but not the jaded, “world-weary” technique often seen in the male anti-hero – to set the stage for a believable, or rather acceptable, anti-heroine. If the balance isn’t achieved, one is left with a psychotic or clichéd character.

Whether or not I can create a true female anti-hero in my own writing remains to be seen, but I am going to have a lot of fun with the process.

Can you judge a book by its cover?

2009-08-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

I was in the market for a bit of “mind candy” reading the other day and went to my local bookstore to see what might satisfy my literary sweet tooth. As I wandered through the different genre sections, I began to notice something about the books that actually made it into my small pile of “potential” purchases. Each and every one of them had fantastic cover art or photos. Convinced that I was being led astray by “glitz & glam” rather than a good story, I took a few moments to look beyond the book jacket or back cover teaser and read some pages from the first chapter as well as randomly selected pages from later portions of the books. Out of five possible purchases, only one book was returned to the shelf as a dud. For kicks and grins, since I had nowhere pressing to be, I picked up some books with really awful (as in boring) covers and checked out their teasers as well as random pages within. What I discovered was that book covers can provide some indication of what you can expect between the pages; with the exception of well-known, award-winning authors who can do anything they please in terms of covers and still expect a sale.

My grandmother was fond of the “you can’t judge a book by its cover” philosophy towards life but I think, noble sentiment that it is, it falls flat as a practice for a new author competing with the known for book sales. This is not to say that an intriguing book cover is about spending a huge amount of money on models, photo shoots, or buying art. It is about finding something that connects the reader instantly with the theme, and combined with the teaser draws them into a well written story. The three elements must balance because a slick cover and a “sexy” teaser may get the book to the cashier, but without a story to back it up, you won’t have anyone waiting for your next book.

The Wisdom of The Rolling Stones

2009-08-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

I often find comfort in music and lyrics. Sometimes, it seems like certain songs have become the background music to, or themes for, phases and events in my life. They can be talismans to help me overcome a tough situation, or, so strongly associated with an event that it brings everything back as though I were reliving the experience.

When depression stalks me, it is Big Country’s “In a Big Country” that helps me find the strength to push through the darkness in my mind to find the joy in living. Anything by the band Poison reminds me of some wild times when I lived in central Florida during the late 80s. U2 makes me think of college. Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” will always remind me of the first date with my husband. The music of the Indigo Girls reminds me of the worst heartbreak I ever sustained, while the music of The Cure brings to mind a particularly intense two year relationship with someone who was the most fun, and the most trouble, I ever got involved with. The Dixie Chicks version of “Landslide” brings to mind the day I delivered my oldest son, while Mercy Me’s “I Can Only Imagine” was the song on the radio when I got the confirmation that I was pregnant with my youngest son.

As I go through the interview and salary negotiation stage of my job search, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” has become my latest anthem, specifically the chorus.

In the current job market, salary ranges are not what they were and employers are looking for those “exact DNA matches” for prospective hires. So what do you do when you are, or could be, that missing piece of DNA from an organization, but their salary range isn’t an exact match to what you want?

Should you hold out for what you want or take a job that covers what you need?

I’ve heard horror stories from other people out of work who have had to take salaries that were anywhere from 15 to 60% lower than what they were making because it was take the job or face financial disaster. I’ve been looking for a job that pays what I want for ten months without much success. I can't tell you how many times I have been told that my qualifications are exactly what the company is looking for, but they can't afford me. Or, while my salary expectations are in line with what they are looking to pay, I will need to relocate for the position rather than commute.

Trying to find the line between selling yourself too cheaply and figuring out what you are worth is a tough one. There is also the very real fear of a prospective employer that if they hire you at a lower rate, you are going to bolt for richer pastures as soon as the economy rebounds. As I speak with prospective employers about salary requirements, I often think about what I tell my children, "What you want and what you're going to get aren't always the same thing."

I think that ol’ Mick and Keith had it right, so I am going to focus more on getting what I need. A job that will allow me to have some time with my family, keep a roof over our heads, and meet the basic living expenses. Finding what I want can wait for better economic times or maybe I will get lucky and find that what I want and what I need are the same thing.

Update: Strangely enough, within days of writing this piece, I landed a contract to hire position – which is going to pay me an hourly rate that is within my salary range – has all the elements of my dream job - and is with the company at the top of my “dream” employers. Now, all I have to do is prove my worth to convert it from a contract position into a permanent hire.

To all the other displaced/laid-off/ or otherwise unemployed – do not give up. Keep networking, keep applying, keep your mind open to the possibilities – your job is out there. It may show up at the last minute or from an unexpected quarter, but it is going to show up. Sometimes, to get what you want, maybe you do have to focus on getting what you need.

Is being realistic in actuality a form of pessimism or vice versa?

2009-07-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

My father once told me that a pessimist is nothing more than an optimist who has had his, or her, teeth kicked in one too many times.

As I approach the end of my severance period, and face the distinct possibility that I will have to find a way of living on unemployment compensation while I continue to look for a job, I have been thinking about the difference between being realistic and being pessimistic. I have also been thinking that maybe my father had a point.

When my husband was laid-off a few years ago, we had that nice cushion in savings that all the financial gurus recommend. We were able to cover the difference between unemployment compensation and what he made before he was laid-off. The cushion was something we believed we could build back up once the dust settled. Unfortunately, it didn’t. His industry was one of the first to start to feel the downturn in the economy. Our cushion dwindled down to nothing by the spring of 2008. In the spring of 2008, the company I worked for gave notice that headcount reductions were coming, and I realized that we both might be out of work for a period of time.

Despite my concern, I knew that I was going to be fine, regardless of whether or not my head was actually on the chopping block. My “day job” as a project manager is one of those professions that lends itself to both contractor/consulting or permanent employee status, so I was sure that, even in a down economy, I would find something since companies still need to get projects done. My husband landed a new job with good benefits, so if the worst happened, I saw my situation as a potential to recoup some of our financial losses through the generous severance package the company was offering. As it turned out, I was cut in the fall, but I still remained positive that I would have a job by January.

My optimism was rewarded and I did in fact get an offer for a six month contract to hire position to start in January. Unfortunately, for me, the company lost funding for the position and I found myself back in job search. I had a rough couple of days (okay, it was weeks) before I shook it off and got back in the game, even more convinced that I would have a job offer before my severance period ended. Again, my optimism was rewarded with another twelve month consulting opportunity that was to start in May. This time, I thought I had nailed down all those pesky little issues that might make the offer less definite – like did the consulting company actually have a real contract with the client company as opposed to a gentleman’s handshake. Unfortunately, again, due to circumstances beyond my control, the client company has pushed off the project start date, twice; changed direction for its project; and added more requirements that it wants in the project manager, some of which I am lacking. It is looking like I may not have a job after all. Unlike the last time, I never got out of the job search game, so I still have a number of possible opportunities that I am pursing.

On some level, to even contemplate filing for unemployment and looking into whether or not my family qualifies for food stamps feels a lot like being pessimistic. To consider these things feels like I am giving up. On the other hand, the reality is that I have one more paycheck coming to me and there is still going to be a mortgage payment, utilities, car payment, credit card bills, insurance, and all the other “stuff” that will come due next month. Even if one of the other job possibilities comes through for me, there is a slim chance that it will happen before my severance period ends. While I have tried to put aside a bit of a buffer, it isn’t going to be enough to buy me much wiggle room.

The mantra that all of the job and career coaches are spouting is that you must remain positive and optimistic in your job search; that you need to focus on what the opportunities are and remain open to them; that you should use this time to think about what you really want in a job or career; and that if you want it bad enough you can make it happen for you.

Um, at the risk of sounding negative – sometimes it is a bit hard to paste on the happy shiny face and think of the possibilities when the reality is that you need a job to keep from losing your home, your car, your good credit rating, and thus the potential for the type of job(s) that you are accustomed to working.

Let me take a moment to say that as rough as things might get, I do acknowledge that I am lucky, incredibly lucky and thankful, to have had a severance package that lasted as long as this one has. Most of the other displaced/down-sized/laid-off people I have met have not had severance packages, or if they did, the packages were small.

Do I still believe I am going to find a job? Yes. I am also still convinced that it will be a better position that my last one, but I am worried that I may cross the line between realism and pessimism if it doesn’t happen soon.

When Your Brass Ring Turns Green: Part 5 - Rejection, It's Not Just for Writers...

2009-05-09T15:54:00.000-07:00

This has been a rough month and a half. First, I was dealing with the deafening sound of crickets in response to my numerous resumes/applications. Then, around the middle of April, my in-box and mail-box have been filled with “…while your credentials are impressive, you have not been selected…” responses.

I know I am in good company. The March report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics on the unemployment numbers indicated that there are 13.2 million people out of work in the US. (United States Department of Labor, (2009, April 3). The unemployment situation: March 2009. Bureau of Labor Statistics News. Retrieved April 3, 2009, from: http://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf.)

What can a person do to get out of the mountainous pile of resumes received for each opening and in front of a hiring manager? Or, better yet, what can one do to get an interview?

All the experts will tell you that the trick to landing a job, especially in this type of job market, is using your network to get in the door at your targeted companies. Networking can take a number of forms and doesn't have to be seen as a difficult endeavor. It took me a few months to get in the swing of things, but I am finding that when I forget about the job search for a moment and focus on the opportunity to learn about a new industry, a career option, or gain a new friend, it is really not a bad way to spend some time. So far, it has not resulted in a job. I've met a lot of interesting people and some contacts that may help me at some point, but the elusive dream job is still beyond my grasp. For now.

In addition to networking like crazy, I have decided to get creative.

One of the networking groups I belong to sent out a query on behalf of a reporter for personal stories about coping with unemployment. I contacted the reporter and gave an interview, which may be published later this month. I have also registered with a radio station in my home town that is featuring an unemployed listener each week and helping that person promote themselves to prospective employers on the air and on the station’s website.

Sort of unusual tactics, and even more unusual when you factor in my nature; I tend not to seek the spotlight so this is way outside of my “comfort zone” under any circumstances. So why am I putting myself out there? My hope is that a prospective employer will see that I am able to “think outside the box” and willing to take a risk. My hope is that a prospective employer will recognize these strengths that can be hard to demonstrate on a resume. My hope is that a prospective employer will realize that they need someone like me in their organization.

Will it work? We shall see, but that is the beauty of the successful creative thinking – you never know if it will work until you try.

When your brass ring turns green: Part 4 - A day in the life…

2009-03-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

The day I turned in my keys, etc. then walked out the door of the company I’d spent the last 11 years, three months, and two weeks working for was actually a pretty good day. I felt an incredible sense of relief and easing of the stress that I had been dealing with since hearing of the head-count reductions six months earlier. In fact, the first two weeks of unemployment were more like a vacation than anything else. I made lists of the projects I wanted to tackle. I threw myself into cleaning my home, doing little home beautiful projects, and my writing.

The depression hit me about a month in. Mid-October found me a bit on the angry and frustrated side. My house-keeping frenzy tapered off, my little projects seemed too overwhelming and I really wanted to just curl up in a ball at the back of my closet. That not being feasible, I started going back to the gym and working on my plan for finding a job. I tried not to think about what would happen if the economic situation didn’t improve. I set up a schedule to spend a certain amount of time on-line reviewing the job boards, researching companies, and learning about social networking sites. I attended meetings with a career coach and checked out the outplacement services company provided by my former employer. I applied to take the PMP exam and threw myself into studying for it. What I did not do was deal with the very real issue of depression that is a part of losing a job.

In December, I landed a temporary consulting position that was to start in January, so I put my job search on hold. This was a huge mistake. Due to the state of the economy, the start date for the position was pushed off to February and then the funding for the position was pulled. The end result was a loss of two months time in my job search. That may not sound like much, but with the number of candidates competing for the few jobs out there, this was serious. I knew I had to shake off the blues over being unemployed, my disappointment over not having a temporary job, and refocus my efforts.

Here is what I learned from this phase of being out of work:
1. Until you are actually working somewhere, do not put your job search on hold.
In the current economy, there are no guarantees. I have heard some horror stories of people showing up at the new job and being laid-off within days of starting the new position. I am learning that job search is not something that one should turn off the moment an offer is received.

2. Do not brush off the blues over being un-employed.
It isn’t unusual and there is no stigma associated with it. Talk with someone, join a support group, or make an appointment with your spiritual advisor or a therapist. If you ignore the situation, it will only get worse and can begin to affect your loved ones as well as your ability to effectively market yourself.

3. Establish and keep a routine.
A routine can help you combat the blues. It will keep you focused and give a sense of accomplishment, even if your phone isn't ringing and the rejection letters or e-mails are coming in. If you always started your day when you were employed by checking e-mail, reading the paper, or scanning the news feeds for your industry, then continue to do so.

4. Put some exercise into your day.
This is another thing that will help you combat the blues and give you a sense of accomplishment. Even if it is something small like pacing when you are making your networking phone calls or buy an exercise ball to sit on at the computer rather than a chair.

5. Find something to do every day that makes you happy.
Sounds silly but this is important to set aside some time to do something that brings you some peace and joy. It could be reading something for fun or to learn about a new topic. It could be playing with your kids, actually playing rather than watching them play. Whatever you chose, make sure it will be enjoyable. The purpose is to provide a stress-free activity so that you are refreshed and energized when you engage in your job search activities.

Hope this helps. Stay tuned – next time I will share some of the networking tips and tricks I have picked up.

When your brass ring turns green: Part 3 - Don’t let the door hit you in the…

2009-03-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

You’ve gotten the word and you are out the door – now what?

Sometimes this means that you are packing up your office or work space and out the door immediately – with or without a severance package. Sometimes this means you have a period of time to finish up your work before a specific departure date, again with or without a severance package. Either way, the day will come when you don’t have a job to go to in the morning.
1. If the company is offering out-placement services – take advantage of the services offered. Maybe you don’t want to join a support group, or go into the out-placement office each day as though it were your job, but most out-placement services offer a variety of tools and services that will help you get your thoughts together. You owe it to yourself to at least take a look.
2. Set aside a portion of every day to devote to your job search. There are some people who advocate making your job search your new job. Personally, I see what they mean but in the current job market I find it a one-way ticket to the land of depression. How much time you spend is dependent on your personality and tolerance level. The minimum amount of time I spend each day is a half an hour and I have spent as much as a full eight hours. The point is - I devote some time every day to researching companies, networking, searching job boards, and/or applying for jobs.
3. Take care of yourself. Being out of work is not a free pass to sleep in, get involved in day-time television, or let yourself wallow in negative feelings. Tackle a project you’ve been putting off around the house. Decide to finally lose that extra 10, 20, or…pounds that you’ve been carrying around. Write that novel you’ve always wanted to write. Take a cooking class. Volunteer at your child’s school, a nursing home, a non-profit, or local pound. Find something you want to do and make the time to do it.
4. Apply for unemployment compensation if you aren’t receiving a severance package.
5. Consider taking a part-time job even if you have a severance package. If you do have a severance package – please read the fine print to be sure that taking on a part-time job won’t reduce the money you would get. Even though you won’t be making much money, it might help you stay in a positive frame of mind.
6. Make sure you have two great interview suits (with accessories) that are clean, well-mended, and ready to go at a moment’s notice.
7. Continue to build and maintain your network. Don’t be ashamed of being out of work. There isn’t a stigma connected to being downsized, so tell people when they ask what you do. You never know who might be next to you in the grocery line, at the hair or nail salon, or on the treadmill at the gym.

Stay tuned – next time I’ll start writing about how it feels to be displaced and what I’m doing about it.

When your brass ring turns green: Part 2 – Denial is not a river…

2009-02-15T05:12:00.000-08:00

Rumors of cuts are flying – what should you do?

If conversations at the coffee pot or in the restroom are about rumored head-count reductions, chances are that one is coming - at some point - but that is all you should count on. The office grapevine can be a valuable source of information – if it is used appropriately. Consider rumor of head-counts as an early warning alert but don’t treat it as gospel, and don’t stick your head in the sand because you don’t want to think it could happen to you. Truth is – every single employee is at risk. Think you are safe because you have a folder full of glowing performance evaluations? Displacement is going to hit you harder from an emotional standpoint than the person with a less sparkling performance history. Don’t become a victim of denial.

What you should do is:
1. Follow the advice your mother gave you as a child: keep your ears open and your mouth shut. Listen to the information and try to separate the fact from the fiction.

2. Do some introspective thinking. Now is the time to think about your career. Are you really happy working for this company? It seems like a no-brainer. You work there, ergo, you want to. Not necessarily. You may just be in a rut. Same goes for your job. Is this what you want to be doing?

3. Start a skills inventory. The goal is to understand what you like to do, what you are good at doing, and what you might want to learn how to do. There are books you can borrow from your local library, or purchase at the bookstore, that can help you work through the process. If you can afford it, there are life and career coaches who you can hire to guide you in developing an inventory and administering standardized tests to identify your interests and personality type.

4. Get that professional certification, degree, or continuing education courses that you have been putting off. This is especially true if your employer has an education reimbursement program. You want your skills to be as up to date as possible before the company starts doing its internal skills assessments in anticipation of restructuring or downsizing. Even though you may not be able to finish a degree before the downsizing begins, the fact that you are enrolled may be a mark in your favor or give you a leg up on the competition.

5. Start looking at your family finances. Get a realistic picture of what you have coming in and going out each month. Don’t forget to include things that occur once a year like taxes or membership dues. If you can start eliminating the non-essentials from your budget, setting aside a cushion and/or paying off outstanding debt before you are faced with a loss of income it will minimize the stress of losing your job.

6. Build or strengthen your professional network. If you are not on a networking site like LinkedIn.com, join one and begin to build your network by inviting your co-workers, former classmates, friends, and acquaintances. Join on-line groups for your profession as well as any face-to-face professional associations.

7. Update your resume. If you can afford it, hire a professional to help you re-vamp your resume. If you can’t afford it, talk to people in your network about giving you advice.

8. Check the job boards on-line. While a small percentage of positions are actually found in this manner, it doesn’t hurt to look even though you may be only passively searching for work at this stage. Get a feel for what is out there and who the companies are in your area with openings. This will also help with item 4. By looking at job openings, you will also get a feel for how your qualifications stack up.

9. Define what the perfect job and working environment for you would be. Write down everything no matter how silly or unrealistic. Set it aside for a day or two, or three, then come back and take another look. Refine this list into the “must-have” and “nice to have” criteria. Then start researching companies to find those that match or come close to the criteria and offer the types of work you are interested in.

10. Continue to do your job to the best of your ability.

Stay tuned – next time I’ll talk about what to do when you know you are out of a job.

When your brass ring turns green: Tips and thoughts on being downsized.

2009-02-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

Part 1 – Introduction

This is part 1 in a series of blogs on dealing with displacement. While I can’t lay claim to having the answers or even any degrees or formal training in life coaching, career counseling, or the like, what I do have is experience in the trenches. With the economic situation what it is, we all need to share our tricks and tips for getting through the rough times.

In my hometown there was one employer that everyone aspired to work for. Rumor had it a job with this company was a job for life even into the 1990’s when corporate downsizing was starting to become a normal tool for reducing operation expenses. I landed a job with this company as a fluke in the late 90s and I truly thought I had died and gone to corporate heaven. In my opinion, I had snagged the brass ring and was going to stick with the company until it was time to retire thirty-something years down the road.

Like most things that seem too good to be true, it was.

At the start of last summer, the department I worked in was eliminated and I found myself one of the displaced. Or as I preferred to think of it – I got voted off the island in a game of Survivor: Corporate Edition. There was a difficult six month transition where I still worked for the company (I called it being on Exile Island looking for that hidden immunity idol) but in reality I felt a bit like a plague carrier. People avoided talking to you for fear that displacement was a disease that could be caught from being in the same breathing space. Where before I was always busy, now I was begging for work to do and searching for a new position both internally and externally. Watching this last bastion of the old way of corporate life erode has been painful; in particular because the company truly was unique in its culture and in part because I truly believed in the ability of the company to overcome the challenges it faced.

I have been gone from the company for approximately five months now and sadly, still unemployed. Or, as my husband likes to say, gainfully un-employed since there was a nice severance package that included benefits.

Like many companies that have gone down this road, my former employer is continuing to cut its head-count and re-organize so I hear from friends still at, or recently displaced from, the company on a regular basis. Some are hoping that the economic situation isn’t as grim as the news media is painting it and that I will tell them of the largesse of job offers I am fielding. Some are looking for reassurance that there is a life after leaving the company. Some want a shoulder to cry on or an ally to commiserate with as they bemoan the unfairness of the situation.

Truth?
* The economic situation stinks and the job market is not good. I have gotten more rejection letters or e-mails than I care to dwell on.
* Yes, there is life outside of the company and frankly, it is pretty darn nice to take a break from clutching onto that corporate ladder to really consider what is or is not important in life.
* I am more than willing to listen and offer encouragement to those who are going through this.

What I will not do is engage in negative criticism of the company’s treatment of me. It does nothing and frankly – compared with some of the other stories of downsizing out on the street – I and every other employee displaced have received more consideration than the majority of companies offer these days. So this blog article is not about the evils of corporate downsizing or a swipe at my former employer. What it is intended to do is share some things I have learned and some coping techniques.

If you are interested – stay tuned. Next time I'll write about what to do when rumors are flying.

Why is reading a “romance” considered a negative by some?

2009-02-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

I took a break from reviewing and writing the other day to read a WWII thriller that a friend recommended. “It’s not a romance like ‘that stuff’ you’ve been reading lately,” she said, handing the book to me. (Yes, there was more than a hint of snootiness in her tone on the words “that stuff.”) Truth be known, I will read just about anything and were one to try to categorize my personality by the books that grace my shelves, one would conclude I am either extremely well rounded or suffering from some degree of multiple personality disorder. (Oh, and toss in some OCD since I tend to like them organized alphabetically by author’s last name.) But I digress.

Becoming engrossed in the novel, I discovered that the underlying story was, in fact, a very sweet but tragic love story; a love story about a romance that could never end in a happily ever after with a fairly graphic – as in bordering on erotic – scene between the lovers before they went their separate ways. It was a very good story and I enjoyed reading it. When I returned the book my friend made a remark to the effect that if I was ready for some more serious reading, she had other books by this author.

I would not have classified this book as “serious reading” though. In terms of the caliber of the dialogue, depth of character development, craft of scene setting as well as action – it wasn’t any better than 85% of the romance novels I have read. Frankly, I have seen historical romances that were better researched and much more skillful in incorporating the language and flavor of the time period. So, why is it that this sort of story is deemed more “acceptable” reading or perceived as more “serious” for some than a romance?

My friend is by no means the only person in my circle of friends and family who is surprised, or even amused, by my love of a good romance novel and my having written one. I find this rather perplexing. Never mind that a significant percentage of book sales are of romance titles and the genre has exploded into a number of sub-genres since the 1980s. The romance genre includes authors considered part of the “classics” such as Jane Austen as well as virtual unknowns like – er, me. There literally is a sub-genre for everyone within this broad category. There are quite a few romance novelists who could be considered “cross-over” writers into a variety of other genres like J.R. Ward, whose Black Dagger Brotherhoodcan be found in some bookstores in the both the romance and sci-fi/fantasy aisle, or Christine Feehan’s Ghostwalkers series, which I have seen in the fiction/literature section as well as romance.

Reading, for me, is less about the story’s classification into a genre or style – it is about the sensorial experience. Granted, one has to rely on one’s imagination to conjure the sight, feel, scent, sound and taste of the settings, people, and action but isn’t that the beauty of imagination?
I wonder if people like my friend would be so quick to dismiss a romance, if they put aside their preconceived notions to actually read one. Maybe next time she asks me for a recommendation I will hand her J. R. Ward’s first novel and tell her it is something I picked up in the sci-fi/fantasy section.

How do you know when the storyline is done?

2009-01-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

Some authors like to end their stories with all the threads thoroughly knotted and no loose ends to plague the reader with “what happened to…?” Other authors leave you hanging, not unlike season finale cliffhangers on television. Then there are the stories that can stand alone or provide the basis for furthering a series that will continue the story.

It seems to me that there is a real art to mastering this, because I am not sure a story is ever really done. Much like our own lives, the lives of our characters continue to develop unless we kill them off in our stories – and with a paranormal romance, even that is not necessarily a permanent thing. I really enjoy reading series. There is something about immersing myself in the world that an author has created that I find more appealing than a standalone story. The original Dune series is probably one of my favorites and when Frank Herbert passed away I was seriously depressed that the series was over. When his son decided to carry on with the prequels, I was ecstatic and have bought each new book as it has come out. A series lets the reader really get to know the characters and the culture from the different points of view in a way that is simply not possible in a standalone book.

Unfortunately, some authors do not seem to realize when the storyline is played out. As a novice writer, I’ve pondered how I can prevent cannibalizing my storylines or sucking the life out of them. When is it time to hit “save” and push away from the computer? The knee-jerk response is when the characters stop “talking” to you but even that isn’t a safe guideline to adhere to. As with your day to day interactions, not everyone talking is actually saying something of significance.

For now, I plan to trust my critique partners and my editor to help me strike that balance between giving just enough to keep my readers coming back for more.

Help! I’ve written myself into a corner and I can’t get out…

2008-11-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

I had this great outline for a chapter. I knew exactly what I wanted to say and where my characters were going. It was – in my mind – perfect. A month ago I started writing and before I knew it the characters hijacked my storyline and took a route that ended at a dead-end; a dead-end that has nothing to do with the rest of the story or the six chapters preceding it.

With a degree in English (writing concentration no less) and a “day-job” that involves helping others condense their ideas, plans, and/or processes down to a clearly written document, I know all the tools and techniques for overcoming writing obstacles. This problem is less about the mechanics of writing and more about the ideation process. Creativity does not necessarily follow the “science” of story-craft or academically recognized good writing standards. So what does one do when one’s muse has decided to trash one’s precisely organized plotline and character development sketches? What comes next when the hero turns out to have a really nasty side that doesn’t fit with the rest of his actions?

After a month of ruminating on this, I think the answer is to leave things as they stand and let my main hero have his baggage. Most people I know (myself included) have some baggage that they don’t reveal or emotions that are not quite in keeping with the public face. Sometimes how we deal with this baggage or why it exists in the first place can be a story on its own. The trick for me going forward will be to balance the not so savory aspects with my character’s good side in a way that will “work” for the reader. In the romance genre, most heroes are some type of “bad boy” personae – at least on the surface, but there is always a legitimate reason for this guise. What if there isn’t? What if it is simply part of who he is instead of a forum for a struggle of right overcoming wrong?

While it adds a complexity to the story that I had not previously contemplated, and will necessitate some serious edits to my original storyline, there is something to be said for seeing where this thread leads.

Answering the question: “Why did you write a novel?”

2008-10-11T06:22:00.000-07:00

I can’t speak for other authors, but this question comes up with (to me) alarming frequency and always gives me a moment of pause. Writing has always been a part of my life whether it is poetry, grocery lists, or correspondence. I have a file cabinet with several folders marked simply “writing” where I have stored pieces of paper, journals, legal pads and diskettes filled with my ideas. To me, the answer is obvious - “why wouldn’t I write a novel?”

My current novel (second one written, first to be published) was actually one of those scraps of paper in a file cabinet. During my pregnancy with my second child I had a series of very strange dreams and captured the impressions and concepts on paper only to toss them in the “writing” file for me to flesh out some day. And there the notes sat until a year later when my sister-in-law and I were having a sort of snark-fest about following one’s dreams versus the reality of needing a steady income and benefits. The particulars are not that interesting, and hardly flattering to either of us, but the end result was her tossing down the gauntlet for me to do something about my writing rather than dream about it. To further toss kerosene on the flames of our snit, she send me information about a writing contest on Gather.com and essentially dared me to (1) write the novel, and (2) enter it.

I am a Taurus on the cusp of Aries with Leo overhead at the moment of my birth. If you know anything about astrology, you can imagine what my response was. The end result was the first draft of “A Love Out of Time.” The story had some technical issues, POV shifts that gave a number of readers whiplash, way too much back-story, and not nearly enough dialogue but for a first novel written in 30 days it finished in the top third of the first round. (At the bottom of the top third to be precise, but still a respectable finish in my humble opinion given the speed under which it was written.)

The hard work began after the first round of the contest was over. It was at this point that “A Love Out of Time” became something more than a “so there” to my sister-in-law. The feedback I received made me realize that I might have something worth working on and so began a year of critical review and edits. I edited my novel because I found a voice within that would not be silenced. The characters became as familiar to me as my family. I wrote because I could not imagine going back to the place where I jotted down my thoughts and filed them away for a “some day” that might never happen.

Since “A Love Out of Time” was born, I have gone back to my file cabinet and taken out a number of my old ideas to see what else is speaking to me. I found a legal thriller that I wrote under a different name that I am knocking the dust off of. Sandwiched between some really awful poetry, I found the outline and first scene of what is going to be the second novel in a series I am tentatively calling “The Time Walkers” with “A Love Out of Time” being the first book in the series.

Now when people ask, “Why did you write a novel?” I say, because it is what I do.

When Constructive Criticism Isn’t…

2008-09-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

The writing group I belong to was recently swapping stories about critiques we’ve received as well as given. What became very obvious in the discussion were the varying interpretations of the term “constructive criticism” and what specifically differentiates constructive from destructive comments.

I think that perhaps the real questions should be:
Why did you choose a particular person to read your work and offer comments?
What do you hope to gain from their critique?
Why are you writing in the first place?

There may be a variety of reasons you chose someone to read your manuscript. I am just going to focus on the most obvious – whether or not the reader likes the book. Since you are looking for a general opinion on the book’s appeal, then wouldn’t it make sense to inquire whether the genre is something that person would buy in the first place? One can argue that good writing is good writing regardless of the genre but I think that also assumes a certain amount of sophistication in the average reader that may not exist. I have a dear friend who has no interest in reading paranormal romances (the genre of my soon to be published novel) so asking her to read my novel and provide a critique is unlikely to provide me with any insight on whether to story would interest my target market. She is an excellent business and technical writer so perhaps asking her to serve as an editor would be better but if she can’t stand the genre then there is a risk of her not being as focused or engaged in the process as I need her to be.

Perhaps my viewpoint is more business oriented than creative but in essence you are performing market/consumer research when you ask people to review your work. If you aren’t taking the samples from a population of your targeted consumers, then the information has little use in determining whether your book will have market appeal.

Critiques, constructive or otherwise, are valuable to an author. Even a comment like “this sucks, try again” conveys insight on your work. No, it doesn’t mean toss the manuscript in the nearest shredder or drop the reviewer from your Christmas card list. What this statement means is that the reader did not like the book and you should either follow-up with the person to determine why – if possible – or widen your sample population to see if this comment is an outlier or indicative of a problem you may be too close to see.

I like to have someone read my story to find the technical problems (grammar, punctuation, typos, etc.) and a different person to read for the creative aspects. Can one person do both? Sure, they are called professional editors. Your friends, family, and other writers might be able to do that for you but it may be more effective to split the purposes.

The last question, why you write in the first place, will also help you determine who to ask for critiques. If you write to entertain others then your focus for critiques will be different than if you write to educate or to enlighten. Writing to entertain is more or less writing for others even though you may also be writing to quiet those pesky voices within. (See last blog entry.) Thus, your focus should be more on what is going to appeal to your readers. Writing to entertain does not require quite the level of technical finesse and wordsmithing as say a piece geared towards a peer-reviewed journal. There are a number of very popular authors whose grasp of the basics in sentence structure and punctuation leaves much to be desired but their readers either don’t mind or don’t notice because they enjoy the stories.

So, when does constructive criticism cross the line into an attack on your story or your craft? When you let it - until then it is simply feedback.

Silencing the voices within - aka character development

2008-09-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

Sounds like a rant on multiple personality disorder doesn't it? Some of my other writing pals and I were discussing the way that characters can take on a life of their own within the recesses of your mind. My husband's take on the whole situation was, "Don't they have medication for that?" Very funny sweatheart, now why don't you go take a nap? [evil grin and manical laughter as I contemplate his knife roll.]

No, it is all good, but in all seriousness - as crazy as this sounds, sometimes a character just won't shut up and leave you alone. As they "talk" to you, the process becomes much akin to meeting a new friend. (or not depending on the character who is doing the talking.)

Maybe this is a struggle for the newbie as a writer and the authors who have a number of best-sellers under their belts just breeze through the process. I don't know - I would love to find out! (translation - hope my book sells, a lot of copies.) In my case, the process goes something like this: initially I sketch out what the character looks like in very rough dimensions, gender, coloring, height, hair and eye color; then I start filling in the specifics and checking facts like geography, time period, etc.; finally, I work on their backstory - most of which may never make it into the story but it helps me listen to what the character "tells" me with the right context.

After this somewhat logical approach, things take a less than rational turn. Night-time is the worst. As I snuggle up to sleep, scenes unfold, dialogue develops and I know its time to forget about shut eye. I have a laptop and my husband bought me a substantial bed rest pillow when I was carrying our second child so I am good to go until my muse decides to give it a rest. (Or my normally tolerant husband points out that being sleep deprived and handling knives isn't so good for retaining his digits.)

Some writers keep a pen and notepad by the bed, others use the mini-recorder devices but I think the main point is that the voices won't let you rest until you listen. And take notes.

The challenges of finding time to write

2008-09-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

As a wife, mother of two young sons, full-time career-woman, and in charge of stemming the tide of disarray in our home, finding a little bit of "me" time - much less an hour to let my muse out for a run - is a challenge. I had thought that perhaps it was a function of the age of my kids (toddler and kindergarten age) but in conversations with other authors at Second Wind Publishing, age doesn't appear to be the factor. In fact, my children being in the age group that naps means I actually have at least one hour more than most do! (Sadly, it also means that sometimes I am the one who really needs the nap.)

Lucky for me that I find inspiration for new stories or plot developments from my dreams.

Carving out time to write involves a bit of creativity, an ability to multi-task, and a laptop. Weekends are typically the best time for me to get some serious writing or editing in. I frequently wake up before the guys and will take my laptop and a carafe of coffee onto our back porch to write until the family wakes. If the day is pleasant, I can get the kids dressed and turn them loose in the yard while I stay on the porch writing. If the day is rainy or otherwise unpleasant, the kids play inside or watch their shows on Noggin. As long as no one is bleeding I can typically tune out the vapid songs on the TV or the sounds of two children under the age of 6 working out their sharing and caring issues.

Weeknights are a totally different issue. With a 40+ hour work-week, I carry a fair amount of "mommy guilt" about spending family time doing anything but family activities. So, from the time we get home from daycare/after school care until the children go down for the night, it is all about them. As luck would have it, sometimes that is also when my muse or my characters start clamoring for my attention as well. After the kids are down, it is my husband's turn to have my mostly undivided attention. Finally, around 10 or so, I can sit down to write, answer e-mails or IM with friends, and pursue my interests. That pesky need for sleep impacts how long I can spend writing. I bought a book light that allows me to write without disturbing hubby's sleep too much but depending on how long my nails have gotten, the clicking of fingernails on the keyboard tends to make him a bit grumpy. (Of course, it also means that I can go get a mani-pedi without any flak from him about watching the kids!)

Next to the laptop, the invention of the jump or flash drive is perhaps the best thing for my ability to finish a chapter, no less a book! During my day job, I can carve out a lunch hour at least 3 days a week to write or edit. My advice to anyone struggling to find time to write is invest in a laptop, an extra battery, and a flash drive. Then, get really creative about carving out the time.

The dream is within sight!

2008-08-31T06:28:00.000-07:00

It seems hard to believe that by the end of this year my first novel will be out through Second Wind Publishing. (Shameless plug to follow -check out the website at www.secondwindpublishing.com.) I finally have a cover for the novel that works and if I can just stop "tweaking" the manuscript and get it to Mike at Second Wind, it will be available that much sooner.

When do you know that you are "done" with a manuscript? That is probably the biggest challenge for me and one that is not unlike what I will be facing this week as my oldest child starts kindergarten. I see a number of parallels between parenting and writing a novel but more on that another time. There are moments when I fear that I will never be completely satisfied with the story because these characters have become similar to my kids and I don't want to let them go even though it is time to "step away from the keyboard" and let the story stand or fall on its own.